I have documented and continue to document what it’s like to find and begin to experience owning The Pearl of Great Price. 194 short posts starting in January 2013.
I sometimes wonder if this blog could be interpreted as a narcissistic rant by some guy who just likes to tell his story. While I do enjoy writing these posts, I write them because my heart can do no other. I truly want other people to find the peace and joy that is offered. That I was given and accepted. A complete change of life.
I’m 61 years old. To this day, the friendships I have valued most in my life, that I hold in my heart-memory as almost fairy tales, are from my childhood up until my 17th year. Until I was 17, these were the years before I learned of Good and evil – when I was living in Eden but was unaware. Then at 17 years old… I was “banished from the Garden” as Adam/Eve were. On a given day, in a specific conversation with my then best friend, I realized in a moment that the world wasn’t what I thought. It wasn’t all good. I wasn’t good. Those I loved weren’t “good” as I envisioned them in my innocence. My life/dream had become a life/nightmare. After that day of exile, no other friendship could measure up to those of my youth. Oh, I’ve had many good friends since then. But, there always has seemed to be “something missing” in these relationships. I haven’t known what it has been that is missing. It was like my soul was locked from the inside on that day in 1970. No one could really get “in” in the way they could and did in my childhood. My heart was no longer available as it had been in those early years. I didn’t want it this way. It just was. I thought I was no longer able to love a friend as I had in those early years. I know this is why my “old friends” know me as so nostalgic. I’m the one that remembers all the details from those early years. Because I have thought they were gone forever. A very sad part of my suffering for so many years. Can you imagine? Maybe you’ve had the same experience.
What I described above is another thing that has changed for me since I found Grace. I’m developing new friendships that feel like the ones I had as a child. With these friends, I feel open and free. I laugh authentically. I want so much to hear what they have to say. And I so love telling them what I’m thinking. My heart leaps a bit when they call me. I’m not afraid to be totally known by them. I’m not even afraid of losing the relationship, should that happen.
Again…documenting what it “feels like” to find and acquire The Pearl of Great Price.