ANALOGY: People fall deeply and romantically in love with another person. It’s very joyful. But, often, this new relationship also creates an element of fear because the thought of going back to the way it was before the relationship becomes very scary. Some sensitive people become obsessed, always looking for clues that might indicate that the relationship may be in danger for this reason or that.
I am that way right now about the 100% Grace of God. Since understanding this in the last 24 months, my depression/anxiety is gone, all 9 Fruit of the Spirit are growing effortlessly, I’m so happy that it’s actually hard for some people to spend too much time with me, etc. etc. Things are great.
Along with this, I’m aware of a hint of fear. Fear that I may lose this wonderful Grace Place I’m now experiencing. I never want to lose it. This is much stronger and more profound than simply falling in love with a wonderful woman. I can feel this fear when I read a new Bible passage that I can’t make sense of through my new Grace lens. I get advice from some brothers to deal with those passages head-on and fearlessly. Study them and get them resolved in your mind and heart. Because this Grace Gospel is True and we never need to fear losing it’s joy. Others ask me why I’m obsessively and fearfully trying to “fully understand this Grace Gospel intellectually – and you will never be able to do that”.
Don’t worry about me. I’m not suffering that badly. But, I’m writing this because I want to document my journey, as I said I would when I started this blog. The other reason I’m writing this is that it may give some comfort to others who have tasted God and seen that He is good and may begin to fear “losing” the paradise feelings they have day by day as they remember their decades of suffering without it. I want them to know that they are not alone. At least one other fellow traveler is experiencing this from time to time.
I’m certainly open to input from more mature Grace believers.