THINGS I DON’T UNDERSTAND YET?

I’ve wanted to document the early months of my growth into better understanding God’s Grace.  I will always be glad to have this journal of such a mountaintop time of my life.  I’ve learned so much.  But there’s much to learn.  For example, I don’t understand prayer really much at all.  I’m speaking here of the types of prayer where I’m asking for something.  I’ve learned God is always eager to bless me outside of my particular prayer requests. And I’ve see those unasked-for blessings come repeatedly.  So, since this is the case, I actually don’t often like to ask God to do this or that for me because I’m thinking that His ideas are better than my ideas and I don’t want him to go off and do what I’ve requested but to my detriment since I didn’t get what He had already planned. I also don’t understand the idea of the Exchanged Life – I think this refers to when we “died with Christ” so it’s not I who lives but Christ in me.  I believe this is True.  But, I don’t really grasp it in my experience as I do so many other revelations from God that have transformed me in many ways. So, I want to grasp that.  I know it’s a big deal. I’m so very surprised that, so far in this Hyper Grace journey, I find it hard to maintain my cognizance, my awareness, my moment by moment recollection of the Hyper Grace of God.   And without this Grace, I easily can lose my peace and joy (and the other fruit of the Spirit) for a while.  Without being vigilant, I find myself slipping EVEN IN MINUTES back into the old way of thinking – right and wrong, self righteousness, Old Covenant, etc.  I have to work on it all day every day.  I am looking for a mentor who can/will teach me the things I don’t know yet.  I haven’t found just the right person yet because I want more time than most people can give. I also want someone who is well ahead of me in these understandings. I also will need someone who communicates very clearly. Otherwise, it will be very hard to make progress. I also find that when I run across well written doctrine that attempts to refute the Hyper Grace of God, I can get a bit scared. I just don’t want anything to upset where I am and have been for a year as far as my beliefs and my peace/joy. Someone may say that I shouldn’t expose myself to those who think that God’s Grace is somewhat or quite conditional, unlike me. But, I always think that I should expose myself to the thinking of other, sincere believers, even though to do so often troubles me. I can lose my peace/joy for a while.

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