When I became a Christian 30 years ago, I understood and wanted badly to 100% believe that my sins are not counted against me in eternity. But, I didn’t understand this part of grace: that we no longer need to carry emotional guilt or regret for our missteps. And, because the way I think is very detail-conscious, I would literally become aware of some large or small sin probably every few minutes all day long. I also totally understood that Jesus had raised the bar on the Law such that even getting impatient with your “brother” (for just one example for how severe “the standards” are in the Bible) is an incredibly serious offense. So, I was hyper conscious of sin. I believe I had, indeed, passed from death to life. But, as a tender soul, I entered a world of moral and ethical and behavior standards that was impossible to satisfy. And it was a world I took very seriously. I carried a tremendous amount of guilt. In order to be able to function with all that guilt, I learned to ignore and suppress my feelings. So, I thought I was OK as I suppressed my feelings. But I was building up internal emotions that came out in verbal abuse on occasion directed at my loved ones and came out in addictions of various kinds. So, in some ways, I was BETTER OFF emotionally before I asked for Jesus’ pardon, because I didn’t have a very sensitive sense of sin before that point. So, I lived almost 30 years in such an emotionally/spiritually unhealthy frame of mind.
Now that I understand that I “can” no longer sin because the Law no longer has authority over me, in some ways, I feel more like I felt before I accepted Christ. Because, remember that at that point of my life, I ALSO didn’t have to contend with the Law, since I gave it no validity as a non-Christian. Is this clear?
So, I just wanted to express this thought above. I’m not entirely sure what the significance of that is. But,I felt that I should document it.