…That ignoring my own need/feelings while serving the needs of others was the highest form of love. I now see that the underlying motive here had usually been to try to “be a good person” (self-righteousness) which I thought, at the time, was my main job as a Christian. I now believe that my main job as a Christian is to know and believe how much God loves, protects, knows, cherishes, blesses me. This true love from God fills me up with such peace, joy and goodwill for other people such that I really treat them lovingly but with a sense of joy, not compulsion. It’s like the spilling and splashing of God’s love onto others comes from knowing and believing the Good News.
I can’t really love other people until all my needs are met, until I understand how much God loves me, etc.