Wait a minute. It sounds like you’re talking a lot about forcing yourself to believe certain things. Is this brainwashing? No, it’s not. But these things are true. God has things set up such that reality/truth is really quite different than we may think it is and that it takes some effort to accept/believe what is surprisingly true. Exactly why God didn’t choose to make the ultimate truths easily evident is a very complex theological matter. If you really need to get a satisfying answer to this question, then go for it. But, for now, it would be easier if you could just accept that there is a greater reality than your material world and God has wanted a process of seeking to realize this and grasp it. This requires us working toward believing certain things that aren’t readily apparent to those who believe that our time/space/material universe is all there is. The rewards for accomplishing these insights about the greater plan are much greater than any rewards like money, fame, etc.